Champagne/ Sparkling Wine

Alright kids and..kiddettes..(hey is that a word?...yeah I know it's got the red squiggly thing under it..ahh to hell with it I'll keep it in there.) Sorry for the major delay but I've been doing things that make me to gassy to type, and they smell is just awful. But let's move on to something that has recently been on my mind. I've been drinking a wider variety of things lately, and have recently consumed different types of Champagne.
Before I get into the "Judgement" I'd like to give a short history of wine. It was made by French monks just as a light wine used for Eucharist and anointing kings. Later it became the bubbly wine that we know now until about 17th century. When fermentation caused it to be carbonated, making some corks and bottles to go 'splode. Giving it the name "The Devil's Wine." "Champagne" is made in the Champagne region of France and is one of the names protected by the EU's Protected Designation of Origin. (Like Feta, Grappa, and Asaigo.)

My most recent scrap with sparkling wine has been Cristal. For those of you have haven't had it, the swill tastes like Flintstones chewable vitamins. It's just so damn gross. Now if you enjoy the taste of Flintstones Chewable that's all you. Me however? I don't dig it. I've had good tasting Champagne and Expensive Champagne. But this stuff is to much of the latter and not enough of the former.
The main reason that I dislike Champagnes and Sparkling wines is that there is a small amount of sugar added to second fermentation process. It's that sugar that leaves you with a severe case of hangover (Or as I call it "Head Hurty/Head 'Splodey" ) after drinking waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy... to much.(more than 2 glasses). Now if you want to get drunk off of something Champagne is the way to go. Those sugars combined with it's carbonation will get you messed up. Anyways I've rambled enough let us go to the judging section.

Based on a basic 5 beards standard
-1 beard for being the ultimate giver of Head 'Splodey.
-1 beard for being made in France the country that is only a'ight because they gave us Parkour and Jean Reno.
+1 beard for being able to get you drunk real fast.
-1 Beard for usually tasting like crap.

So for those of you bad with math... Champagne/ Sparkling wine gets a "less than average" 3 beards from me. Use it only when needed. Like when you're trying to get your girlfriend drunk. So she'll pass out and let you play video games and eat Nachos in peace.