Drinkin Beers In The Sun

Yesterday afternoon Alan showed up at my house with a cooler full of beer and a sprinkler and we set ourselves up in my front yard. We turned the sprinkler on, unfolded the cheers, and proceeded to have a few brewskis while enjoying the beautiful April weather Florida is providing us with. This was probably the highlight of my week and I'm going to recommend it to everyone. For our northern readers, you might have to wait a few more weeks or months, but when the weather gets right, then get to it. And, I guess if you're a ninny and don't like beer then you could substitute with an appropriately summer drink like a margarita or a gin and tonic.

As a word of caution though, wear sunscreen (9 Beards).

Drinking Beers (or appropriate substitute drinks) in the sun gets 9 Beards, because it's freaking awesome and supremely relaxing.

Digital Camouflage

I've been kind of up in the air about the Military's new digital camouflage. I understood how it was more effective, since the purpose of camouflage is to break up the outline, so of course with more smaller fluctuations in color then that means it's going to be more effective. I think this had a lot to do with having never seen it in action like I've seen other forms such as the Ghillie suits utilized by Seals, Rangers, and Snipers. For those that don't know, Ghillie suits are the camouflage suits worn that make people look like big walking bog monsters. Or like this:

So, yeah. I was unconvinced about this new fangled technology until I saw this next picture, and then became completely convinced of it's effectiveness.

Digital Camouflage gets 6 Beards for being effective enough that this guys wife probably has no idea he's asleep on the couch instead of cleaning up the dog shit in the kitchen.

Eating Ice Cream Out Of The Bucket.

Eating ice cream straight out of the tub/bin/container is awesome, delicious, and efficient. 6 Beards.

So, some time ago I was at the Rocky Horror Show and I enjoyed the production whole-heartedly until the end. Not the end of the play as weird as that is but after the curtain call thats when I had a problem. The crowd was asked if they wanted to do the Time Warp- my answer "Hell to the naw!" More or less the rest of the crowd got up and started to dance. I sat and watched the foolishness commence. But not in peace. As I watched fistfuls of people dance to this song while I sat someone from house crew brushed against me. I turned around hand balled into a fist ready to strike at the absurdity that someone in drag would dare to touch me. I however was stopped by the ridiculous situation before me. This girl from the house crew was looking me in the face singing the time warp and gesturing that I should get up and dance.

Now Randolph M. Chase 3 has no qualms with dancing or looking like a fool. What the great RM Chase does have a problem with is dancing like a conformist Asshat. This is why I refuse to square dance. I dont know why a group of 15 hicks with a combined brain cell total of 12 got it in their head that them dancing in giant formation doing the exact same things while listening to music that sounds like cats in bags being used to soften bricks was a good Idea. So square dancing and the following dances get one dirty sanchez made chinstrap for a beard. For being just friggen dumb.

The Macarena ( I hated this song when I was 9 and I still hate it whenever someone thinks it is a fuckin' riot to play it at parties)
The electric slide (Fuck you. It's not electric.)
The Cha-Cha Slide (This song may as well be the Communist dance of the year)
The Bunny Hop*
The Train made popular by the Quad City Dj's (Fuck this song because every damn time it comes on I'm minding my own business when some asshole grabs me and places me at the front of the shitkicking line. There is no way to get out of that damn thing until the song is done.)
The Time Warp. (As stated before "Hell to the naw")
The Chicken Dance (No just no. Even before you start to say "but wait!" no)
The Tootsie Roll. ( I don't know how it's done and I still won't do it.)

Now you'll notice that The Bunny Hop is given an asterisk. The reason behind this is it s only acceptable to do the Bunny Hop in one place - The Playboy Mansion. When done there the Bunny Hop gets 9 beards.
There are however dances that I will do in a heart beat.
The Hokey Pokey; if done right you can bribe someone or trick someone into doing the dance. But it's still for kids 3 beards and a Mustache
The Monkey: Only when Johnny Bravo calls for everyone to do it with him in the opening credits. (monkey 3 beards) Johnny Bravo (6 beards)

-RMC out

The Whitest Kids U Know

IFC (Indepent Film Channel) is not something that I peruse regularly, but a couple months ago we hit upon a little gem of a show called Whitest Kids U Know, which is currently in it's second season. It's just a sketch comedy show done by 5 white guys who do pretty much all of the writing and the acting with a few extra randoms thrown in. They even play their own female roles to great hilarious effect. And whether it's songs they've written, long extended skits, multi-part skits, or even just short little 30 second gags, the show never fails to amuse. Well it amuses me and my friends, so if it doesn't amuse you then your sense of humor is obviously impaired. The show being on IFC helps because language and skit content isn't an issue, some of it's even a little dicey. Anyways, you can watch all of season one, skit by skit on their IFC page if you'd like.

Whitest Kids U Know gets 8 Beards for being the only good sketch show on TV these days.