To quote Chris Rock from No sex in the Champagne Room.
"CORNBREAD... Ain't nuthing wrong wit that! "
7 beards and one mustache
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Hard Candy Review
So if you've never heard of the movie Hard Candy go here. But if you have heard of it watch the trailor anyways to know what i'm talking about. I watched it recently with Travis a few days ago. The delay in reviewing was simply becuase...well i just didn't want to revisit it so soon.
Hard Candy is one of the best crafted movies I have seen in years. The entire cast is comprised of 5 people total. the films main characters (Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson) are seen on the screen for the majority of the film. Each of the actors delivers an excellent preformance. Sometimes you think maybe they're telling the truth, maybe they are telling lies, maybe that characters out of their mind crazy.
the story is weak but that's not to say that it isn't well penned.
This was also the Director's second movie, but it was so well done that you can't even tell. The director uses the camera so damn well. Watching the movie you become claustrophobic, or you feel like acreepy voyuer. when the characters talk most times all you see is their face and the camera is not always centered on them. The use of colors, and some filters also set moods.
anyways. i'm watching Shaft with Sam. L Jackson(6 Beards) . it's distracting me.
Hard Candy gets 8 beards from me.
Hard Candy is one of the best crafted movies I have seen in years. The entire cast is comprised of 5 people total. the films main characters (Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson) are seen on the screen for the majority of the film. Each of the actors delivers an excellent preformance. Sometimes you think maybe they're telling the truth, maybe they are telling lies, maybe that characters out of their mind crazy.
the story is weak but that's not to say that it isn't well penned.
This was also the Director's second movie, but it was so well done that you can't even tell. The director uses the camera so damn well. Watching the movie you become claustrophobic, or you feel like acreepy voyuer. when the characters talk most times all you see is their face and the camera is not always centered on them. The use of colors, and some filters also set moods.
anyways. i'm watching Shaft with Sam. L Jackson(6 Beards) . it's distracting me.
Hard Candy gets 8 beards from me.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Grenades
We watched The Kingdom the other night (Which I don't feel like reviewing in full so I'll just tell you it got 6 Beards from me) and it reminded me how much I love grenades, they're one of God's gift to man, like fire, sandwiches, sitting, pissing, and beards. Now, after some discussion I realized that I could give them an overall score, but why not break them down into types and score them individually?
Frag Grenade: Probably the most common, useful, and effective type of grenade. It has seen many incarnations over the years, including the terrible German "potato masher" design during WWII that was horribly ineffective due to it's inconsistent performance (sometimes it would blow you to pieces and sometimes it would just give you a rash). This design came to it's most recognized design during WWI with the Mills Bomb with it's pineapple like exterior. Another common design is that of the US M67 with a bulbous, and round exterior.
Any one who has ever played a first person shooter game in the last 5 years, or any former soldier will probably tell you that frag grenades are the most deadly, and most versatile, as they pack a lot of punch and can be used for many different situations. Just one of these can take out a room full of enemies, and many military forces use more then one grenade at a time when clearing a room or entrenched enemy position.
Frag Grenades get 7 Beards and a Moustache
Percussion Grenades: These grenades are similar to frag grenades, except that they are designed to simply explode, and not create any shrapnel. This of course makes them not as cool.
Percussion Grenades get 5 Beards.
Smoke Grenades: Smoke grenades are like the retarded step children of the grenade world. They only thing they're good for is covering troop movement, primarily during retreats or a force rushing in for a suicidal frontal, hand to hand assault both of which are as retarded as the grenade itself.
Smoke grenades get 2 Beards.
Flash Bangs: More commonly referred to as stun grenades, these are commonly used by para-military police forces like S.W.A.T. to incapacitate enemies before authorities or troops enter an area. Just as the name implies, when detonate these emit a loud bang with a bright flash in order to blind and disorient enemies. While seemingly a great tactic, what I've learned from my time in Call of Duty 4 is that my first reaction with these is to just start firing blindly when one goes off until the effect fades, which create a situation far more dangerous then what originally existed. Sadly this, coupled with a lack of deadly force lowers the score for Flash Bangs.
Flash Bangs get 4 Beards.
Rocket Propelled Grenade(RPG): One of Russia's more intriguing developments during the Cold War, what once a signature weapon for Soviet military forces has quickly become an icon of terrorist violence in the new millenium. A highly portable weapon that fires a missile which is essentially a high powered grenade welded to a rocket. These weapons only require one man to operate (unlike many modern anti-vehicle weapons) and can be used with little to no training. They pack enough punch to take out a helicopter, a civilian vehicle, or a lightly armored Humvee with only one shot. Recent video games have conveyed to me how difficult it can be to fire these accurately, which at the time was infuriating, but in light of the fact that these are generally being used against citizens and soldiers of my own country I am thankful. However, when being examined as an effective weapon this does hurt the weapon.
RPG's get 6 Beards.
Frag Grenade: Probably the most common, useful, and effective type of grenade. It has seen many incarnations over the years, including the terrible German "potato masher" design during WWII that was horribly ineffective due to it's inconsistent performance (sometimes it would blow you to pieces and sometimes it would just give you a rash). This design came to it's most recognized design during WWI with the Mills Bomb with it's pineapple like exterior. Another common design is that of the US M67 with a bulbous, and round exterior.
Any one who has ever played a first person shooter game in the last 5 years, or any former soldier will probably tell you that frag grenades are the most deadly, and most versatile, as they pack a lot of punch and can be used for many different situations. Just one of these can take out a room full of enemies, and many military forces use more then one grenade at a time when clearing a room or entrenched enemy position.
Frag Grenades get 7 Beards and a Moustache
Percussion Grenades: These grenades are similar to frag grenades, except that they are designed to simply explode, and not create any shrapnel. This of course makes them not as cool.
Percussion Grenades get 5 Beards.
Smoke Grenades: Smoke grenades are like the retarded step children of the grenade world. They only thing they're good for is covering troop movement, primarily during retreats or a force rushing in for a suicidal frontal, hand to hand assault both of which are as retarded as the grenade itself.
Smoke grenades get 2 Beards.
Flash Bangs: More commonly referred to as stun grenades, these are commonly used by para-military police forces like S.W.A.T. to incapacitate enemies before authorities or troops enter an area. Just as the name implies, when detonate these emit a loud bang with a bright flash in order to blind and disorient enemies. While seemingly a great tactic, what I've learned from my time in Call of Duty 4 is that my first reaction with these is to just start firing blindly when one goes off until the effect fades, which create a situation far more dangerous then what originally existed. Sadly this, coupled with a lack of deadly force lowers the score for Flash Bangs.
Flash Bangs get 4 Beards.
Rocket Propelled Grenade(RPG): One of Russia's more intriguing developments during the Cold War, what once a signature weapon for Soviet military forces has quickly become an icon of terrorist violence in the new millenium. A highly portable weapon that fires a missile which is essentially a high powered grenade welded to a rocket. These weapons only require one man to operate (unlike many modern anti-vehicle weapons) and can be used with little to no training. They pack enough punch to take out a helicopter, a civilian vehicle, or a lightly armored Humvee with only one shot. Recent video games have conveyed to me how difficult it can be to fire these accurately, which at the time was infuriating, but in light of the fact that these are generally being used against citizens and soldiers of my own country I am thankful. However, when being examined as an effective weapon this does hurt the weapon.
RPG's get 6 Beards.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
No Country For Old Men
The boys and I, plus Casey went to see No Country For Old Men and lets just say I was quite pleased. I'm not too sure how in depth I want to go with this review so I will just let this ride and see where it goes.
Let's start with the where this movie comes from, it's based on the novel by the same name by Cormac McCarthy. While I haven't read this book in particular I have read two of his others and the movie at least fit right in with the other two books I've read; very dark, very ideologically intense, and ultra violent (but not in a bad way, McCarthy's violence always serves a purpose). The story is a simple enough initial premise: poor guy finds a bunch of money that doesn't belong to him and is ruthlessly and impressively pursued by Mexican drug-runners and a homicidal maniac.
Then there are the Coen brothers, the masterminds behind some very popular movies like O' Brother Where Art Thou, Fargo, and Paris je t'aime, as well as some of my favorites such as The Big Lebowski and Raising Arizona. They wrote some of them and they produced the rest of them. Either way, I've been fans of their work for a long time before I knew it was their work. Anyways, on to the movie.
The movie immediately introduces the antagonist, and man is he a good one. Played by veteran actor, Javier Bardim, he is relatively unknown in the United States (IMDB tells me has had 43 acting roles, 32 of which have Spanish titles and 11 English titles. 4 of those English titles are still in pre-production.) He's got a trusting smile, a true creeper haircut, and he doesn't freaking blink. Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, and Woody Harrelson also contribute excellent roles as main and supporting characters. The cinematography is excellent, especially during the suspense sequences; I know my heart was racing, and I'm pretty sure everyone else's was as well. The movie is set in Texas, and some of the shots make the barren scrub-brush desert of that state look actually beautiful instead of barren and wasteful. The movie also contains a lot of shots that subtly help convey the themes of the movie.
The last thing I want to address is the ending. It was perfect. I don't think this movie could have ended any other way. We all definitely had to sit around for a few minutes afterwards and let it settle in. As a reference, for those who have seen Atonement, it definitely does not hit quite as hard as the ending of the movie, but it still hits. And, as a final add, this movie definitely all the awards it has been nominated for and won.
So, overall, the movie had an intriguing story, excellent acting, one of my new favorite villains, nice filming, and a shotgun with a silencer on it.
Final Score: 8 Beards
Let's start with the where this movie comes from, it's based on the novel by the same name by Cormac McCarthy. While I haven't read this book in particular I have read two of his others and the movie at least fit right in with the other two books I've read; very dark, very ideologically intense, and ultra violent (but not in a bad way, McCarthy's violence always serves a purpose). The story is a simple enough initial premise: poor guy finds a bunch of money that doesn't belong to him and is ruthlessly and impressively pursued by Mexican drug-runners and a homicidal maniac.
Then there are the Coen brothers, the masterminds behind some very popular movies like O' Brother Where Art Thou, Fargo, and Paris je t'aime, as well as some of my favorites such as The Big Lebowski and Raising Arizona. They wrote some of them and they produced the rest of them. Either way, I've been fans of their work for a long time before I knew it was their work. Anyways, on to the movie.
The movie immediately introduces the antagonist, and man is he a good one. Played by veteran actor, Javier Bardim, he is relatively unknown in the United States (IMDB tells me has had 43 acting roles, 32 of which have Spanish titles and 11 English titles. 4 of those English titles are still in pre-production.) He's got a trusting smile, a true creeper haircut, and he doesn't freaking blink. Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, and Woody Harrelson also contribute excellent roles as main and supporting characters. The cinematography is excellent, especially during the suspense sequences; I know my heart was racing, and I'm pretty sure everyone else's was as well. The movie is set in Texas, and some of the shots make the barren scrub-brush desert of that state look actually beautiful instead of barren and wasteful. The movie also contains a lot of shots that subtly help convey the themes of the movie.
The last thing I want to address is the ending. It was perfect. I don't think this movie could have ended any other way. We all definitely had to sit around for a few minutes afterwards and let it settle in. As a reference, for those who have seen Atonement, it definitely does not hit quite as hard as the ending of the movie, but it still hits. And, as a final add, this movie definitely all the awards it has been nominated for and won.
So, overall, the movie had an intriguing story, excellent acting, one of my new favorite villains, nice filming, and a shotgun with a silencer on it.
Final Score: 8 Beards
Crab Rangoon
So here's the thing, if you've never had crab Rangoon then you need to get your ass to a Wok n Roll and pronto. For those of you who aren't in the know crab Rangoon is an American Chinese dish (American because they probably have a completely different rendition in Asia). What the basic recipe for crab Rangoon is Crab meat mixed with cream cheese and some garlic or onions, then its put into a wonton and fried. First off even if you don't like seafood you'll love this dish. Many restaurants serve it with a sweet and sour sauce which rubs you in the crotch and doesn't make you shoot for the towel. The dish is mostly seen as an appetizer which is perfect because if you for some reason don't like it you didn't obligate yourself to the dish the whole meal. However you do tend to look a bit hefty when you end up ordering 5 orders for yourself. This dish really can make you believe in a the 10 dimensions. String theory aside, go forth eat, drink, and be merry.
Crab Rangoon: 8 beards. because if you eat them too much, you might die. slowly.
Crab Rangoon: 8 beards. because if you eat them too much, you might die. slowly.
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