Eating Ice Cream Out Of The Bucket.

Eating ice cream straight out of the tub/bin/container is awesome, delicious, and efficient. 6 Beards.

So, some time ago I was at the Rocky Horror Show and I enjoyed the production whole-heartedly until the end. Not the end of the play as weird as that is but after the curtain call thats when I had a problem. The crowd was asked if they wanted to do the Time Warp- my answer "Hell to the naw!" More or less the rest of the crowd got up and started to dance. I sat and watched the foolishness commence. But not in peace. As I watched fistfuls of people dance to this song while I sat someone from house crew brushed against me. I turned around hand balled into a fist ready to strike at the absurdity that someone in drag would dare to touch me. I however was stopped by the ridiculous situation before me. This girl from the house crew was looking me in the face singing the time warp and gesturing that I should get up and dance.

Now Randolph M. Chase 3 has no qualms with dancing or looking like a fool. What the great RM Chase does have a problem with is dancing like a conformist Asshat. This is why I refuse to square dance. I dont know why a group of 15 hicks with a combined brain cell total of 12 got it in their head that them dancing in giant formation doing the exact same things while listening to music that sounds like cats in bags being used to soften bricks was a good Idea. So square dancing and the following dances get one dirty sanchez made chinstrap for a beard. For being just friggen dumb.

The Macarena ( I hated this song when I was 9 and I still hate it whenever someone thinks it is a fuckin' riot to play it at parties)
The electric slide (Fuck you. It's not electric.)
The Cha-Cha Slide (This song may as well be the Communist dance of the year)
The Bunny Hop*
The Train made popular by the Quad City Dj's (Fuck this song because every damn time it comes on I'm minding my own business when some asshole grabs me and places me at the front of the shitkicking line. There is no way to get out of that damn thing until the song is done.)
The Time Warp. (As stated before "Hell to the naw")
The Chicken Dance (No just no. Even before you start to say "but wait!" no)
The Tootsie Roll. ( I don't know how it's done and I still won't do it.)

Now you'll notice that The Bunny Hop is given an asterisk. The reason behind this is it s only acceptable to do the Bunny Hop in one place - The Playboy Mansion. When done there the Bunny Hop gets 9 beards.
There are however dances that I will do in a heart beat.
The Hokey Pokey; if done right you can bribe someone or trick someone into doing the dance. But it's still for kids 3 beards and a Mustache
The Monkey: Only when Johnny Bravo calls for everyone to do it with him in the opening credits. (monkey 3 beards) Johnny Bravo (6 beards)

-RMC out

The Whitest Kids U Know

IFC (Indepent Film Channel) is not something that I peruse regularly, but a couple months ago we hit upon a little gem of a show called Whitest Kids U Know, which is currently in it's second season. It's just a sketch comedy show done by 5 white guys who do pretty much all of the writing and the acting with a few extra randoms thrown in. They even play their own female roles to great hilarious effect. And whether it's songs they've written, long extended skits, multi-part skits, or even just short little 30 second gags, the show never fails to amuse. Well it amuses me and my friends, so if it doesn't amuse you then your sense of humor is obviously impaired. The show being on IFC helps because language and skit content isn't an issue, some of it's even a little dicey. Anyways, you can watch all of season one, skit by skit on their IFC page if you'd like.

Whitest Kids U Know gets 8 Beards for being the only good sketch show on TV these days.

The Full Monty

I watched The Full Monty last night, for the first time. It was one of the movies I remember receiving lots of popular support when it came out back in freaking 1997. The only people who have ever talked this movie up to me are my mom, her sisters, and other assorted middle aged women. Plus, I knew it was about male strippers so honestly I never had much desire to see it. But, last night it was on, and I'm broke so I didn't have anything else to do, so, I watched it.

I am not entirely sure as to what movie category this falls into, because comedy doesn't incorporate all of the films aspects, and it's definitely not a romantic comedy, and it's not a drama either, yet I don't feel that shoddy ass term dramedy applies either. Man do I hate that term. Dramedy gets 1 Beard. Regardless, the movie was definitely amusing, and it also set it's hooks in me. I was very emotionally invested in these unemployed steel mill workers deciding to become strippers to make enough money to turn their lives around.

The movie is definitely targeted to an older audience, as it touches on a lot of issues that younger people don't face as much, things like sexual confidence in your marriage, admitting to your wife you've been fired, fighting for your children, and other such things. Every time the movie gets a bit heavy though they always manage to throw a laugh your way, but not in a cheesy, gag sort of way. As a man, this movie had one serious detractor which is entirely too much man ass, but I guess that might be a highlight for the ladies.

So, yeah, The Full Monty gets 4 Beards for being an alright movie.

Saint Patrick's Day

So, I found out a little interesting information on this hallowed day this morning courtesy of History channels 3.5 min video on the history of the holiday.

1) St. Patrick was originally captured by Irish marauders and was a shepherds slave for six years before escaping back to 6 years after receiving a vision.
2) After receiving another vision back in England he became an ordained priest and returned to Ireland as a missionary and built schools and monasteries all over northern and western Ireland.
3) St. Patrick's Day was originally a one day break from Lent and so Irish men would often take advantage of this to raise a pint or two with their friends at the bar. This is of course where the modern celebration of the holiday comes from.

Anyways, St. Patrick's Day gets 9 Beards for being the best drinking holiday there is. It desperately outshines Cinco de Mayo and New Years Eve.