English Language.

English is so damn hard. And not the fun kind of hard, just hard.
Other languages use genders so you know how to use or spell a word. Other languages use accents so you know exactly how to pronounce a word. Other languages have rules that can be broken for either religious or historical purposes.

English doesn't use any kind of identifiers so you know how to use a word. English provides zero clues on how some words are supposed to be pronounced. English has rules that are broken because they ....oh that's right they don't have a reason.

No matter what the rule, English says "Hey fuck you i don't have to follow the rules I make them" Grammar, Spelling, Pronunciation or whatever, it breaks rules. For instance see the following. I before E except after C. My ass. The vowels are A,E,I,O,U and sometimes Y? what is that an afterthought? Did some asshole ask the language tribunal "Can I use Y when i don't feel like an I?"

In school i was taught that usually when a word has the same ending they friggen rhymed.

the suffix at- hat, cat, bat, that, mat, the word at...yeah all of those rhymed.

the three letters omb
Put a C in front of it: Comb. Put a B in front of it: Bomb Put a T in front of it: Tomb. Put a W in front of it: Womb. comb,bomb,tomb,womb- none of those rhyme.
what the hell?

and definitions for words? The word cleave: to take apart and put together....how can a word mean opposites? Want to be mad some more? Look at the definitions for the word SET.

And here are 10 more examples.
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
9) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
10) After a number of injections my jaw got number.



So initially the English language gets one beard from me. It gets an additionally beard for making up rules and having the balls to break it because it can, and finally one more beard because English is the only language that i can speak properly and fully.

Final Score: three beards.

Ace Of Cakes

I just want to say that I really enjoy this show. I do so for several reasons.

1) I love cake(6 Beards). A lot.
2) The cakes they make on this show are freaking awesome. The subway car wedding cake covered in grafitti? Tom Clancy's Tower of London cake? I mean come on.
3) These people love what they're doing, and it shows.
4) They kind of remind me of Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in Stranger Than Fiction (8 Beards) and anything linked to her or that movie is extra awesome in my mind.
5) There is no drama on this show between anyone. At the most there is some slight tension when a cake doesn't go as planned or if moving the cake is treacherous (like when they had to move the one cake through the crowd of drunk college kids for the horse race).

Ace of Cakes gets 6 Beards and A Moustache. Go watch it!

POWERTHIRST!

The youtube video "Powerthirst" and "Powerthirst 2: Redomination" are the funniest things I've seen a long time. Look them up, enjoy them. But do not tell your friends about them. This is our thing. It need not get mainstream. Keep in underground.

8 beards and a mustache.

Rock, paper, scissors.

Superbowl XLII And A Few Others

So, first of all, Superbowl XLII gets a whopping 9 Beards from me because it was probably the best one I've seen in a while. Both teams played their best, and never gave up, and the 4th quarter was probably one of the most exciting I've seen in professional football. I didn't even really care about either team and I was still on the edge of my seat. And by the edge of my seat I mean I was pacing around the room trying not to throw up. So, yeah, it was awesome.

The first half had some pretty excellent commercials too. The Bud Light Breathing Fire commercial was pretty funny, along with the Doritos Mouse Trap commercial. The screaming animals tire/car commercial gets an honorable mention as well. On the whole I'll give the commercials about 3 Beards and A Moustache because a) the 2nd half was pretty weak and b) they're commercials.

Now, on to two points completely unrelated to the Superbowl.

1) I disagree with Randy. I believe that corn bread definitely needs to be moist, because dry corn bread sucks the big one, right along with sucking all the moisture out of my mouth. I had originally told him I only liked sweet cornbread, but I've realized thats not true either. What IS true is that about 50% of the time when I find cornbread to eat an establishment (resteraunt, buffet, side of the road, etc.) it is wholly unsatisfying. Therefore Good Cornbread gets 5 Beards while Bad Cornbread gets 1 Beard.

2) I agree with Randy on his rating of Hard Candy. The movie was excellently put together on a tight budget, with excellent use of camera, color, and nice acting from the two mains. I definitely recommend it, but not by yourself, and plan to go do something fun outside afterwards,