1994's Most Bizzare Suicide

So, I'd like to take a moment and point you people to the story of this man's suicide, which is not a gross one so much as a convoluted one. Yes it is a joke, and untrue (I checked) but I still enjoyed it and wanted to share. As far as "jokes" go it gets 4 Beards. It got a chuckle out of me.

Robes

I bought my first robe ever this past year on Black Friday. It was early, I was delirious from lack of sleep, and I bought a delightfully fuzzy blue robe for 80% off the regular price. Well, my mother told me it was probably a poor financial decision and I told to leave me alone I just wanted to eat another diamond encrusted donut, take that Fiscal Responsibility! By the way Fiscal Responsibility gets 5 Beards because, yes, it sucks, but it also allows you to do things like take trips to Seattle (9 Beards) for 12 days and get to go to the Emerald City Comicon (my excitement level for this is also 9 Beards).

Anyways, Robes are a crucial aspect of life, especially when one lives with roommates. It gives you the ability to walk from your bedroom to the bathroom or kitchen or someone else's room without really having to get dressed. Need a glass of water in the middle of the night? Robe it up. Don't want to get dressed right away in the morning while you check the weather by standing on your back porch? Robe it up. Want to reduce the awkward factor of you going to the bathroom mere minutes after the sexual noises coming from your bedroom stop while your roommate and his girlfriend are still in the living room? ROBE. IT. UP.

Robes get 7 Beards.