Grenades

We watched The Kingdom the other night (Which I don't feel like reviewing in full so I'll just tell you it got 6 Beards from me) and it reminded me how much I love grenades, they're one of God's gift to man, like fire, sandwiches, sitting, pissing, and beards. Now, after some discussion I realized that I could give them an overall score, but why not break them down into types and score them individually?

Frag Grenade: Probably the most common, useful, and effective type of grenade. It has seen many incarnations over the years, including the terrible German "potato masher" design during WWII that was horribly ineffective due to it's inconsistent performance (sometimes it would blow you to pieces and sometimes it would just give you a rash). This design came to it's most recognized design during WWI with the Mills Bomb with it's pineapple like exterior. Another common design is that of the US M67 with a bulbous, and round exterior.
Any one who has ever played a first person shooter game in the last 5 years, or any former soldier will probably tell you that frag grenades are the most deadly, and most versatile, as they pack a lot of punch and can be used for many different situations. Just one of these can take out a room full of enemies, and many military forces use more then one grenade at a time when clearing a room or entrenched enemy position.

Frag Grenades get 7 Beards and a Moustache

Percussion Grenades: These grenades are similar to frag grenades, except that they are designed to simply explode, and not create any shrapnel. This of course makes them not as cool.

Percussion Grenades get 5 Beards.

Smoke Grenades: Smoke grenades are like the retarded step children of the grenade world. They only thing they're good for is covering troop movement, primarily during retreats or a force rushing in for a suicidal frontal, hand to hand assault both of which are as retarded as the grenade itself.

Smoke grenades get 2 Beards.

Flash Bangs: More commonly referred to as stun grenades, these are commonly used by para-military police forces like S.W.A.T. to incapacitate enemies before authorities or troops enter an area. Just as the name implies, when detonate these emit a loud bang with a bright flash in order to blind and disorient enemies. While seemingly a great tactic, what I've learned from my time in Call of Duty 4 is that my first reaction with these is to just start firing blindly when one goes off until the effect fades, which create a situation far more dangerous then what originally existed. Sadly this, coupled with a lack of deadly force lowers the score for Flash Bangs.

Flash Bangs get 4 Beards.

Rocket Propelled Grenade(RPG): One of Russia's more intriguing developments during the Cold War, what once a signature weapon for Soviet military forces has quickly become an icon of terrorist violence in the new millenium. A highly portable weapon that fires a missile which is essentially a high powered grenade welded to a rocket. These weapons only require one man to operate (unlike many modern anti-vehicle weapons) and can be used with little to no training. They pack enough punch to take out a helicopter, a civilian vehicle, or a lightly armored Humvee with only one shot. Recent video games have conveyed to me how difficult it can be to fire these accurately, which at the time was infuriating, but in light of the fact that these are generally being used against citizens and soldiers of my own country I am thankful. However, when being examined as an effective weapon this does hurt the weapon.

RPG's get 6 Beards.